Dream Genes

            I read recently that scientists have identified a gene that is positively correlated with marital satisfaction.  What the heck?  This intrigued me since I am facing, I mean celebrating (😊), my 35th wedding anniversary with my sweet and long-suffering husband this week.  It turns out that there is a gene that influences oxytocin (sometimes referred to as the “love hormone”) levels.  People with higher oxytocin levels are more likely to report satisfaction in their marriage.  Lower levels of oxytocin correlate with more anxious human connections perhaps stemming from low self-esteem and insecure past relationships.

             It seems the genetic hand you are dealt bequeaths you an ancestral leg-up, or alternatively, a physical or psychological disadvantage.  This is true when it comes to athleticism, for sure.  I don’t spend a lot of time whining about the fact that I’ll never be an NFL running back.  Sure, I’m not a bad runner for a 63-year-old woman, and I’m as competitive and disciplined as the next person.  But other than that, I lack every essential physical attribute to perform at that level:  age, strength, size, musculature, balance, and coordination.  Oh well, maybe in my next life! 

             Genes play a role, too, in whether working out comes to us naturally, and the speed at which we develop an exercise habit.  Our genetic makeup, for example, governs how easily we delay gratification, which is beneficial in forming fixed routines.  Research has confirmed that there is a genetic component to couch potato-ism versus the motivation to enjoy physical activity.  Genes influence whether weight training adds muscle, or, in some cases, additional body fat.  In addition to oxytocin, the neurotransmitter dopamine also has a genetic component.  Geneticists are investigating how dopamine levels are tied to motivation and how we perceive the desirability of certain activities, such as exercise.

             But not to worry, lifestyle behaviors can mitigate or circumvent genetic inadequacies.  I’ve read that genetic makeup is largely not deterministic of outcomes.  Positive lifestyle choices such as exercise, nutrition, sleep, mindfulness, and social engagement affect the expression of many genetically-influenced physical and mental attributes.  Good news for those of us who strive to live healthy and balanced lives!

             As for the marital satisfaction gene, it’s cool that researchers have uncovered the oxytocin gene, but honestly, it might be more useful to see if there is a gene for putting the toilet seat down or taking out the garbage in bad weather.  Now that would be something that all engaged couples would want to know!

Working Out While Hardly Working!

It’s Friday afternoon, and we’ve just landed in Palm Springs for a six-day vacation retreat from the busyness of our Seattle lives.  I am happy to have time off but I’m a bit unsettled, as well.  We have a houseful of young adult children and guests and a line-up of planned excursions, dinners out, and plenty of downtime around the pool.

             But time off is not what I do well.

             I’ve spent years fine-tuning an ordered, disciplined lifestyle, and I love that life.  Most of it involves my work as a lawyer in private practice, and it is not confined to a 40-hour work week.  People often surmise that I work too much.  However, I have developed a highly-sophisticated algorithm based on years of counseling to identify whether my work life choices are right for me:  if I feel happy when I start my morning drive to the office, then I’m doing the right thing.  Weekends have their own patterns and routines, but they follow a remarkably similar ritual of waking up, structured activities including exercise, and a short but manageable list of must-dos culminating with a small, satisfied thrill when they are done.

             Vacation and unstructured time throw me for a bit of a loop.  I sometimes wonder, wistfully, what it would be like to happily live in the moment, lounging in the midday sun or darting around spontaneously like a fallen leaf in a spring breeze.  But no, not me.   Don’t get me wrong:  when I’m on vacation, I’m not invested in where we eat dinner, what time guests wake up, or whether anyone opts out of the day’s activities.

             When it comes to daily exercise, I have a plan even while on vacation.  I know when I’ll wake up (even without an alarm), what exercise will consist of, and approximately when it will start and conclude.  For this six-day vacation, that meant three running days, two walking days, and one day hiking Painted Canyon for three hours.  Throw in some push-ups and core body exercises, and I called it more than good:  structured enough to keep me balanced, and flexible enough to call it a vacation.

             What I eat, how much I work, and whether an afternoon nap beckons are choices I can make with some spontaneity.  But exercise?  Nah.  I’m like an old plow horse who loves getting hitched up to the plow.  I’ll stick with what has worked for me for over nine years:  get up, get out, get it done.  And then, get on with a fun, spur-of-the-moment vacation day.

So, How Long Should My Daily Workout Last?

Hmmm…. I have an opinion about almost everything, which those who know me will confirm, but this one has me a bit ambivalent.  There are several schools of thought, all of which have merit.  Choose the workout length that feels right to you!

             The easy answer is found in medical guidelines, such as those from the American Medical Association and the Department of Health & Human Services.  Those recommendations have not changed much in many years:  150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity per week for adults plus strengthening exercises a couple of times a week.  Depending on how much time you spend lifting weights or doing core body exercises, that works out to about 30 minutes a day.  That’s what I chose when I started my daily exercise habit; it seemed like a decent commitment, but still doable.  And that’s the minimum workout that I still do every single day nine years later.

             Is that enough exercise to keep you aerobically fit and to maximize health benefits?  Well, maybe or maybe not.  The amount of exercise you need is tied to how sedentary the rest of your life is.  If you are chained to your desk all day, you probably need more; one study suggests one hour of activity per eight hours of sitting.  But if you are also chasing kids, working outdoors, or doing vigorous housework, 30 minutes a day is just the ticket.

             But if you are pressed for time, there is solid evidence that high-intensity interval training (HIIT) can substitute for a longer workout.  Ten-minute workout sessions broken into intense workout and recovery periods can replicate the heart and blood sugar medical benefits of longer workouts.  We can all find ten minutes a day in our busy lives.

             Finally, consider whether shorter and easier workouts will best serve you while you are cementing your exercise habit.  Getting an exercise habit stabilized is far more important, at least initially, than working out for a certain period of time.  Habit guru Stephen Guise recommends a mini-habit that is “too small to fail.”  I agree with his thought that smaller, shorter activities require less effort and become habitual more quickly.  So if need be, make a promise that you will walk or cycle, for example, for just five minutes a day until it feels automatic.

             The objective is to move around actively every single day of your life.  When you have firmly cemented your exercise habit, you can start finessing your workouts to accomplish more specific goals.  For now, you can start small.  Don’t let perfect become the enemy of good!

Running with My Boy Friends

In 1989, when Harry met Sally, he informed her that they could never be friends because, “the sex part always gets in the way.”  Sally was offended by the comment, particularly when Harry admitted that he couldn’t even be friends with an unattractive woman because he would still want to have sex with her. 

             Harry should have been a runner.

             Over the years, I’ve worked out and run with a diverse community of people:   young, old, Caucasian and not, athletic and not-so-much.  And I run with boy friends, not boyfriends.  There is not a remotely attractive guy in the pre-dawn, sleepy assemblage that greets me on Saturday mornings.  (Sorry guys, it’s true…).  They’re a bed-headed bunch with baggy running pants and more-than-occasional noises emanating out of various body parts.  And then there’s the side-spits and the one-closed-nostril snorts.  Eek!

             Objectively I can look at them and see that if they were all cleaned up, they might engender an admiring look from a female.  But then again, I’m not looking for an athletic suitor with a handsome build and sexy eyes.  I’m happily partnered up in a long-term marriage.  I just want someone who will run at my pace and who can engage in interesting conversation when the level of effort begs for a diversion.

             I think exercise might be the ultimate activity for connecting humans without the distraction of flirtation.  Friendship is created by the camaraderie of another human being tackling that annoying mid-run hill, or by a mixed doubles partner that saves your butt with a great volley shot.  Your workout buddy at the gym will say, “nice job” at the end of your weightlifting set, and it means just that, not “you’re so hot.”  Alliances form over united fitness goals, workout schedules, or (sometimes) commiserating over minor aches and pains.    

             All of this is not to say that you can’t find love at the gym if that’s what you are looking for, and it’s not to say that fitness commitment is not appealing.  It’s just to say that exercise allows you to become friends with the opposite sex.  Stripped of gussied up social attire or workplace banter, working out fosters relationships based on mutual goals and healthy values.  The effort of exercise enhances spiritual connection not physical attraction.

             Sorry Harry, Sally is dead right on this one.  Now guys, if we could just re-think those one-nostril snot blows, we could really cement the foundation of our great friendship!

The Immediate Benefits of Delayed Gratification

It’s 6:30 p.m. on a weeknight, and I’ve just gotten home from work.  I’m hungry.  It’s dark, cold, and rainy – a typical winter evening in Seattle.  I walk into the welcoming warmth of my house.  I want the comforting and soothing distraction of eating dinner, but I also have adult responsibilities:  dog walking, household chores, and a couple of bills to pay. 

             I have a decision to make.  I can eat dinner now, of course, and I fantasize for a moment that eating will magically transform my evening chores into something easy and fun.  But experience has taught me otherwise.  I know that the pleasure of eating will be diminished by the knowledge that when I am done, I must rally myself out into the chilly wetness with a dog that is oblivious to my fervent desire to climb into bed.  And then there are those other chores that will either be ignored or performed grumpily and hastily.

             We don’t think of delayed gratification as an essential prong of a neurologically hard-wired habit loop.  We just remember the childhood “should’s” that shadow our adult activities:  no dessert until you eat dinner, no television until your homework is done, for example.  These parental dictates follow us through young adulthood, and with maturity and trial and error, we learn that enjoyable activities are enhanced when unfettered by nagging obligations.

             Habit formation is the process of training our brains to anticipate a reward after a chosen behavior occurs.  It’s the neurological equivalent of realizing that a hot shower feels better after a workout than after watching the morning news while consuming pastries.  When starting an exercise habit, the reward comes after the workout but with time, the craving for the reward begins when the trigger event occurs, which can be a timer, an Outlook reminder, or seeing your gym bag by the front door.

             You can help form an exercise habit, or any positive habit for that matter, by consciously rewarding yourself after exercise.  Common rewards include a favorite coffee drink, social media time, audio books and podcasts, peppy music, or a tasty treat.

             As for me, I’ve learned the delayed gratification lesson through years of repetition.  So tonight, I’ll take a page from my exercise habit playbook and do my chores before easing into comfy clothes and slippers.  I’ll relish the sweet sensation of eating dinner - without reproachful glances from a dog who wants her nighttime walk.

             So, while I delay my reward, I immediately train my brain to hustle through the hard stuff in anticipation of unconstrained leisure time.  Give me a happy, sleepy dog and the TV remote control, please!

The Benefit Versus the Burden of Habit

            It’s February 9, 2019, and we’re completely snowed in.  For Seattleites, that’s a low threshold of course, but this is the real deal.  There’s no way to drive out of the neighborhood even with all wheel drive.  Walking in the snow is stymied and reduced to a robotic sequence:  stand; lift your foot; put foot down; pause; repeat.   

            It’s Saturday.  For many people, waking up in the dark, peering outside, and concluding that running or even driving to the gym is impossible is a fortuitous event.  They just go back to sleep without a moment of angst or guilt. 

            But not me.  That’s not what I do on Saturdays.  Unless I’m travelling, I meet my running group, take a run, decompress afterwards with coffee and conversation, and then drive to my office in Seattle.  I spend five or six contented hours getting all manner of essential stuff done that got pushed aside by the busyness of the work week.

             That’s just what I do.  It’s imbedded in my psyche and solidified by years of repetition.

             I’m not going to lie.  Staying home snow-bound drives me crazy.  I don’t just dislike deviating from my routine; it makes me anxious.  I worry about the slippery slope that I’ve slid down far too many times in my past; when lack of accomplishment led to grumpiness which led to lethargy which led to depression; not just the blues, but the I-am-a-horrible-person-and-I-can’t-get-out-of-bed depression.

             But I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years, and exercise has played a big role.  Exercising every single day boosts my endorphins, reduces stress, and improves my mood for hours afterwards.  I leveraged the power of an exercise habit to other areas of my life, and I use routine and delayed gratification to keep me happy, energetic, and productive.

             So today, while I’ll give Mother Nature a deferential nod, I set out to replicate, as closely as possible, the day that I would have had if it hadn’t snowed.  I take a 40-minute walk before settling in with coffee.  I clean the study before having breakfast.  I fill my water jug and make sure it is empty before noon.  I write this blog post before lunch.  I have business reading planned for this afternoon, followed by dog walking and dinner.  I’ll root for the Washington Huskies basketball team on television after dinner but only after lifting free weights.

             If I seem rigid and unspontaneous, you got me there!  But a planned day with periodic task completions followed by rewards makes me feel calm.  The power of habit doesn’t make me inflexible; it provides the familiar terrain of an orderly life.  In a world that often seems chaotic and unpredictable, the gentle grasp of habit feels like a comforting hug. 

             Find the routine that fits you best and wear it every day.

Do ya really need to form an exercise habit?

So easy to answer this question:  no!  At least, you don’t need to if you are satisfied with your level of fitness, your doctor isn’t nagging you to get more exercise, and you spend absolutely no time guilt-tripping yourself for not working out.

 On the other hand, you might be like me.  For years, I felt badly about my lack of exercise.  Working out wasn’t non-existent, it was just random and chaotic.  I would jump on the exercise bandwagon for a while, working out at the gym or running three or four times a week.  I felt great!  Then life would slap me around a bit:  caring for my elderly mother, trying to grow my law firm practice, and endeavoring to be the best wife, daughter, friend, and mother ever. 

 I’d fall off the exercise bandwagon, eat a bunch of bad food to punish myself for my lack of willpower, and spend more time than I could calculate each day planning to exercise, promising myself I would exercise, and then beating myself up for not exercising. 

 On March 5, 2010, I challenged myself to work out every day for 50 days in a row.  I love a challenge, and I wondered what would change if I accomplished this goal?  Would I feel better mentally and physically?  Would exercising every day become automatic?  What would happen on Day 51?  Would my self-image change?  Would I look better in blue jeans?  (😊)

 I made it through 50 days:  walking, running, exercise biking (sometimes while reading trash magazines), lifting weights, and doing core body exercises.  The first 20 or 30 days were brutal:  deserting my family after dinner to go to the gym, pacing around a baseball field so I wouldn’t miss my son’s game, jogging to my book club gathering, and, once, heading out for a walk at 11:00 at night when I got held up at the office with a client emergency. 

 On Day 51, I woke up, looked outside and thought, why stop now?

Eight years later, I’m still going strong.I don’t think about daily exercise; it just happens. I have formed a rock-solid habit, and it’s as much a part of my morning ritual as brushing my teeth or walking my dog. But I’ve learned a lot along the way. For example, I learned that moving around every day is more important that busting your butt at the gym seven days a week. If I had known more about the habit formation process, it would have been so much easier. I’d love to share what I’ve learned with you. Stay with me!

Gadgets or No Gadgets?

            When I started running regularly in my 30’s, sports watches were all the rage.  Every runner hit the watch at the start of a run or a road race.  My sports watch obsession lasted maybe six to eight years, and when I was done with it, I was really DONE.

             I quit timing my runs when it dawned on me that technology was ruining my enjoyment of exercise.  Sports watches and fitness trackers provide irrefutable proof of performance.  For us middle-aged folks, we know too well that we will never outrun our inevitable decline.  That steady mortality drumbeat cannot be ignored if, with a few clicks, you can review your diminishing speed and mileage that occurs with the passage of time.

             If you are new to regular exercise, will technology enhance your experience and support its consistency?  Maybe or maybe not.  The research is all over the map.  But if you are just starting an exercise habit or beginning regular workouts, I personally think it’s a good idea to avoid technology – at least for a while.  Technology is about communicating information.  Those high-tech wristbands divert your attention from monitoring the internal experience of exercise and, instead, focuses on an external method of documenting it.

             In our tightly-wired, constantly available, instantly accessible world, it is increasingly difficult to create boundaries on our time.  Exercise is one way to do that.  Body movement gives you the chance to come face to face with the ever-present sensory awareness of your physical self.  It forces you to assess exertion, muscular stiffness, breathing rate and depth, and minor aches and pains.  Your senses are flooded with the sights, sounds, and smells around you.  Focusing on these sensations helps interrupt the flow of worry and anxiety.  Exercise isn’t just a form of self-focus, it is mindfulness to the maximum.

             Don’t get me wrong:  it is satisfying to see that you have run four laps around the high school track 17 seconds faster than last time.  It’s super fun to see that you were able to walk ½ mile further than you were two weeks ago.  So, if you want, use a fitness tracker to enhance the experience of exercise without letting the information it provides diminish your sensation of it. 

Remember:  embrace the chance to get away from it all whenever you can.

Persistence > Giftedness

When I was eight years old, my parents sent me to a one-week sleepover camp called Camp Otonka.  After an initial bout of homesickness, I loved it! I played outdoor games, swam in the swimming pool, roasted marshmallows, and made hand-crafted useless objects that my mother cherished and could never part with.  

At the end of the week, the camp counselors gave award certificates to all the campers.  The awards were all fun and silly, like “Camper Most Likely to Push a Camp Counselor into the Swimming Pool” and “Winner of the Snipe Hunt,” stuff like that.  When it came to my award, I was given the “Persistence” award.  Persistence?  Are you kidding me?  I was just so humiliated.  I just wanted to be one of the fun and popular kids.

Occasionally, I still wish I was a member of the in-crowd:  someone whose adult children want to party with and someone confident and outgoing that is always invited to hip girlfriend getaways.  But I’ve made peace with the essence of my personality for the most part, and I’ve come to understand that persistence helped me reach goals that might otherwise have been beyond my reach.

So, what does persistence have to do with exercising every single day?  Well, maybe not as much as you might think.  Innate persistence is helpful in overcoming life’s challenges, for sure.  But persistence skills can be learned, developed, and enhanced with time and practice.  Habit formation, once solidified, can supplement persistence and augment willpower and delayed gratification.

Persistence and willpower are not just genetic personality traits; they are affected by environmental elements like time of day, fatigue, stress, blood sugar, and psychological demands of decision making.  This makes sense.  When you are tired, it is easier to flop into an easy chair than to put on workout clothes.  When you are hungry, it is more attractive to drive through a fast food takeout window than to shop and prepare a healthy dinner.  By late afternoon at the office, it takes less effort to revert to “no decision” than to analyze and select an important financial option.

With practice and the formation of an exercise habit, you will learn to avoid situations that tax your willpower and erode your persistence.  Self-talk, support systems, getting enough sleep, and eating a healthy diet throughout the day will help.  Avoid delaying exercise until after a stressful conversation with your partner, reviewing your credit card bill, or working on your income tax return. 

Habit formation complements willpower by over-riding emotional and behavioral impulses that get in the way of accomplishing our goals. So, if you didn’t win the Camping Olympics or scavenger hunt when you were in grade school, you can still triumph in the daily exercise division.  If you are gifted, you are lucky.  If you are persistent, you are a winner.

Should You Make a New Year’s Resolution?

             Answer:  Maybe or maybe not.  That answer might surprise you coming from someone who is a fitness habit/everyday-workout die hard.  But don’t get me wrong:  I LOVE the promise and inspiration of a New Year.  I adore reflecting on the just-concluded year.  I keep a journal throughout the year, and it contains the celebrated highlights as well as the down-in-the-dumps low spots.  I use the events, moods, and trends of the year to plan and motivate me in the New Year.

             But am I a proponent of “on-January-1st,- I will-start-doing-something-I’m-not-doing-now”?  Nah.  Resolutions don’t usually work, and they can set you up for failure for at least three reasons.

             First, people plunge into adopting a resolution or behavioral commitment without doing essential background research.  On average, resolutions break down about two weeks into them. Failure results from many things:  unrealistic goals, lack of preparation, inadequate external support, lack of willpower, and “good behavior” fatigue.  That pledge to swear off simple carbohydrates and go to the gym five days a week falls by the wayside

             Second, I’ve found that we try to do too much.   What good is working out if we’re still eating pizza and fast food?  How can we make time for fitness if we don’t improve efficiency and productivity at work?  How is it possible to reduce stress without allocating time for meditation?  So we resolve to do it all:  start exercising regularly, eating healthily, and meditating daily!  Research shows that multiple resolutions don’t stand a chance of working.  It is estimated by one researcher that the success rate for developing and maintaining just one new positive habit is less than 20%. The success rate drops with each additional attempted new habit we add on. Our very human desire to improve our health and wellness in one massive kick start works against us.

             Finally, waiting until January 1st to begin a health habit is a very earnest, but artificial, device.  Behavioral economists would tell you that we all have the desire to reduce self-perception cognitive dissonance.  That’s a fancy pants way of saying that we want to change behaviors that we dislike, and we want to be more like an idealized version of our selves. However, we often lack the motivation to do so.  But promising to start the behavior on January 1st when it is only Thanksgiving?  Perfect!  This assures us that we will cement that behavior in the future without having to go through the effort of doing it now. Waiting for the New Year (or bathing suit season, or when the kids go back to school, etc.) is the procrastinator’s best friend. (Trust me; I know this too well!)

             Scary stuff, huh?  I get that.  I’m the Failed Resolution Queen.  But when it comes to fitness, I found something that works for me: a habit-based exercise routine that makes the decision to workout effortless.

             I’d love to share what I’ve learned with you.